doublewide

Fast & Furious....THIS FRIDAY.

Thank god....another tasteless Fast and Furious movie.  Sadly, I've been waiting for this movie to come out.  It's something ridiculous to do...  The website for this movie is actually pretty awesome.  www.fastandfuriousmovie.net 

ON A RELATED NOTE:  This one time in February of 2007, I saw Paul Walker at a local pub in Santa Barbara and asked him if he was the least bit bummed about not being in Tokyo Drift.  This apparently sparked his interest, because he told me a story of while on the set of 2 Fast 2 Furious he found out about the drifting scene in Tokyo and brought it up to the producers.  Well I guess they liked the idea, but didn't cast Paul. 
Paul Walker actually looks and sounds exactly like he does in the movies.  After he and I finished talking, we drag raced Luther against one of Vin Diesel's muscle cars and won and then Jordana Brewster gave me a trophy and joked with me about how we had similar names...

Kevin Bransford is fast....

This past weekend marked the second annual UCSB Kendra Chiota Payne Memorial Triathlon....featuring none other than Sonoma State University's, Kevin Bransford. 
In addition to sporting sweet two pieces designed by Greg Brechbiel of Solidsteam Design, Kevin shows us his good form as he finishes the race in a time of 2:25:28.  Greg happened to be sleeping during all 2 hours and 25 mintues...rousing in the last 28 seconds to telepathetically root Kevin on while this picture was being taken. 

PROS:  -Witnessed at least 1 (non injury) bike crash   -Kevin took a mouthful of sea and puked in the water during his swim  -Cantina breakfast burritos afterward

CONS:  -Getting up at 7:30am on a Sunday

The Lotus Eaters

Saturday fun at Samy's Camera. Awesome Lotus.

Friday Tribute....Mariah Carey

I know, I know...but a wild bear told me it's her birthday today.  Mariah Carey turns 39 today....this is kind of a big deal for the following reasons:

    1.  She's been making jams since 1990. 
    2.  She's still smokin' hot after all these years.
    3.  She's married to fucking Nick Cannon who is 11 years younger.  That means a couple things...
            a.  That Drumline son-of-a-bitch is married to a woman who he likely fantasized about as a  kid.  SEE ALSO:  Greg Brechbiel
            b.  Nick Cannon was in pre-school when the above photo was taken.
            c.  Fuck Nick Cannon
    4.  Someday, Vision of Love, Dreamlover, Fantasy, Always be my Baby, Honey, One Sweet Day....need I say more??  That's almost two decades of hits.

Let's take a look at some classic Mariah over the years:

Old School Mariah....we were introduced to her vocal range, her classiness, and innocence. 

Music Box showed a more grown up Mariah, still innocent....Daydream came later and Mariah did something as an R&B singer that started a trend that still remains to this day. 
"Fantasy" featured Ol' Dirty Bastard (R.I.P), and Mariah was THE R&B singer that popularized using a rapper for a cameo verse in an R&B track.  A million singles with R&B singer/Rap collaborations followed.
.....but something was holding her back.

Clothes!....When Honey came out in 1997, we saw different Mariah emerge.
Sexy, confident, and skimpy.  No complaints here!....but after this her troubles seemed to begin.
Now I won't bother you with these, frankly because we all know about them. 

We'd rather focus on other things anyway....

So Happy 39 Mariah....I didn't mind your husband so much before you were married, but I really don't like him now.  Especially after that one time I saw him at a cafe on Melrose...he had a XXXL sweatshirt on, XXXL basketball shorts, and wrestling/driving shoes.  It was like Big Puns hand me downs minus those goddamn shoes.

T.G.I.F.

Toasty Torpedos....PG-13 UPDATE!

So during the Duke vs. Villanova game, I saw the Quiznos commercial again.  

This time it was different....edited...and waaaaay tamed down from the over-the-top in your face version posted below.  Not as fun really.

Speaking of Toasty Torpedos, Kevin Bransford will be coming into town tomorrow for the SB Triathlon on Sunday.  The picture above most accurately describes the debauchery that will occur this weekend.

Someone please take more pictures.

S.H.I.T. Video....Quiznos Toasty Torpedo

Well here we are on S.H.I.T. day (Sure Happy It's Thursday)....and I feel it necessary to share this video.
Has anyone else seen this new Quiznos commercial for their Toasty Torpedo???  It's like soft-core porn for sandwiches.   

"I'm not doing that again, I burn.?"   "Put it in me?"  Holy S.H.I.T.

Jason Harvey hates Marilyn Monroe

Okay so maybe he doesn't hate Marilyn Monroe....but he certainly hates this framed Andy Warhol print of her hanging in the living room at the DUB.  This print has been hanging for the duration of my tenancy here, but Alpha Harvey pointed out that he has disliked it since I held a residence in Isla Vista...I don't remember that which would make sense...but as I type this....I realize that he may be referring to my De La Vina address, because I'm pretty sure that picture was bought from a garage sale up the street from the old 2119 haunt. 
In either case, here is Harvey's utter discontent...courtesy of iPhone.

Friday Tribute: UNIMOG!

So at lunch today I happened to notice one of my favorite vehicles of all time...the Unimog.
Mercedes makes them, and they were originally manufactured as military vehicles.  Over time, people started using them and converting them for personal and recreational use....which leaves an awesome subculture of UNIMOG enthusiasts.  Here's the OG yellow from lunch.

Awesome.

Funky.

 
Deluxe

...with toy.

T.G.I.F...How I remember it.

Friday's were always a big deal for me as a wee lad because it meant two things:
    1.  Pizza, and
    2.  Watching T.G.I.F. programming with the Rents.

The following lineup was my all-time favorite lineup....

Full House.  This theme song was done masterfully at the Spinelli manor recently.

Family Matters.  Where's Aunt Rachel in this picture???

Step by Step.  I bet in real life the nerdy one is real life friends with Minkus...that annoying little bastard from Boy Meets World.

Perfect Strangers.  Balki Bartokomous from Mypos???  Nuff said!

Have a good Friday morning.  Speaking of the 90's and television...this one time in April of 1992 I was watching Quantum Leap and there was a 6.something earthquake that scared the hell out of me. 
Now whenever there's an earthquake I think of Scott Bacula.

A Few of My Favorite Creeps

The people who were present for this night know why this is so funny. 
This is FTRTRSH btw....if you've never seen him before your name might be Stevie Wonder, and you should probably go see him DJ tonight at Whiskey Richards.  He has a residency there.  Look for the CMYK fixie outside.

In retrospect, I don't know why Jeff and I weren't better friends back when it was more conducive...nowadays I jump at the chance to hang with my new bromance.  I mean...just look at that hair!   Sadly, visitng Jeff's is like wearing a mink coat to a PETA convention....I may be allowed to go, but ceratinly not welcome.  Holler Jefe, we should probably watch some HIMYM together.


I mean...duh. 
The ultimate creep, and a favorite.  His 50 London shows sold out in 5 hours...so other people favor this creep as well.